Detach From and Reframe Worry

Blog-Worry

I truly believe that the higher forces at work are only interested in the best outcome for you and for our world. The highest version of you always needs work and growth. With that in mind, the first part of letting go of worry is reframing. It’s also about converting the worry to discernment and genuine caring. 

Reframe your worry as part of your own evolvement and as a clue into the next steps required for you to change and grow. Ask yourself the why’s - to first understand why this is pervasive for you because we are always getting something from our thoughts and actions. Is it comfortable and familiar and a pattern? Does it allow you to avoid feeling your feelings? Remember that we all do our best with what we know until we know better. 

Next, detach from that version of yourself, literally. When you observe that older version of you, what do you see? Ask yourself “is what I’m doing really useful?” When you step away and observe, you gain clarity and it’s easier to make changes.

When you notice the worrying, ask yourself the truth about the situation. Recognize that you are attached to the outcome and how you think it is supposed to look and feel. Admit that you are not fully in charge. Come up with suggestions and guidance if the input is appropriate and then trust in the bigger picture. Support and advice is different from nagging, by the way. 

So, what’s the difference between reverse engineering a problem and detaching from the outcome? In the former, you are attempting to solve a problem or a dilemma by identifying the best steps in order to get the ultimate result. You start by envisioning the best case scenario but once you do the work, you detach from the final outcome. Why? Because you cannot control everything and everyone around you at any given time so you cannot control outcomes, either. Worry is an out-picturing of your ego-mind, not your soul. It is based on fear, unlike your soul which seeks experiences and growth. 

I’ll wrap up with a scenario to illustrate some of this contrast. You are worried about your daughter and her career direction. She wants to take off from her art studies to travel internationally. All kinds of things go through your head - will she be safe traveling alone, what if she runs out of money, what if she gets lost, what if she decides to not come home, what if she decides to quit college, what will she do with a degree in art, how will she make any money, what if she ends up homeless and depressed, etc., etc. That is a shit pile of worry. How do discernment and genuine caring look like - asking her if she’s prepared for her travels - specifically, to address safety and finances, etc., asking her if she has thoroughly thought through this decision and is not running away from school; asking her to follow her passions in art but reminding her that she might want to keep a side job in another industry or have something to fall back on - and, then allowing her to answer those questions from her truth - and then trusting that she is on her own journey. What if others think she is making the wrong choices? Does that bother you? That’s your ego. What if she chooses the life of an artist and has to live a minimalistic lifestyle? Does that bother you? Again, ego. You are worried about the outcome based on what you think is best, based on what would give you comfort. The growth here is about you letting go and staying in your lane; accepting that your daughter has her own path and that success might look quite different to her. 

And, finally, be a warrior in this life, not a worrier. You are right where you are meant to be at this very moment. You can create magic. Trust your inner voice. You do know the answers and I’m here to help if you don’t.

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